Question: Have you ever demanded "cake and fine wine" in a cafe?
Does the idea of eating saveloys in the bath appeal?
Smokers: Ever rolled a carrot-shaped cigarette while talking in a slow, staccato London accent?
If the answer is 'yes' to any of the above then chances are you're addicted to a cult 1987 movie starring Richard E Grant.
If you're a newcomer, then you'll probably be wondering what all the fuss is about so here's the lowdown: It centres on a couple of out of work thesps, Withnail (Grant) and Peter Marwood (Paul McGann), struggling to make ends meet during the late Sixties.
Marwood is a thinly veiled version of Robinson, a reflection of the days when he was a handsome young actor perhaps best known for his work on Franco Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet.
The character of Withnail is based on Bruce's late housemate Vivian MacKerrell, an outrageous drunk who Robinson described as: "A wild aristocratic figure, highly educated."
Robinson never achieved star status but went on to make a living as a scriptwriter. When The Killing Fields landed him an Oscar in 1986, Withnail and I got the green light and Bruce made his debut as director.
The star of the movie is a first class coward with delusions of grandeur and a drink problem so severe he'll down a can of lighter fluid in order to get a fix - on the day of the shoot, the production team substituted the can's contents for vinegar, a fact unknown to Grant, which probably explains his stunned reaction.
As research, the director had his two leads go out and get drunk so they would have a "chemical memory" of what it was like for future reference. Grant, a devout tee-totaller, was prepared to suffer for his art and gave the performance of his life.
It may have cost next to nothing to make but the aftermath of Withnail was staggering. Jobbing thesp Grant suddenly became one of Hollywood's favourite 'English' actors - the fact that he was born in Swaziland seemed to pass most movie bosses by.
On the strength of this he went on to work with some of the world's finest film-makers including Martin Scorsese (The Age of Innocence); Robert Altman (The Player) and Francis Ford Coppola (Bram Stoker's Dracula).
Ralph Brown also won millions of fans all over the world as drug dealer Danny. Not least Mike Myers who got him to practically reprise the role for Wayne's World Two and George Lucas who cast Ralph in current smash, The Phantom Menace.
Director Bruce Robinson has fared less well in recent years. His Withnail follow-up, How To Get Ahead In Advertising, was an ingenious flop while US directorial debut Jennifer 8 was torn apart by the studio that backed it.
These days he continues writing screenplays such as In Dreams (another costly flop) and the little-seen drama Return To Paradise.
However, things seem to have gone full circle as Robinson recently made a return to acting and gives a knockout performance as an ageing rock star in recent video release Still Crazy.
As with all cult movies, Withnail and I is choc full of quotable one liners, many of them uttered by Uncle Monty (Richard Griffiths) and Danny. Once heard, who could forget the immortal: "As a youth I used to weep in butchers' shops,"? Or Danny's comment on the follically challenged: "I don't advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
"Hairs are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos, and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight."
© 1999 Roger Crow
Ho